oNeLiFeoNeLoVe

T.o. | L.e.y.a.

Mon, 24 May 2004 00:45:07 GMT

After sittin for hours after consecutive hours i had come up with some ideas or meaning to what is love. see if this will help you. that's all i can think of so forgive me if i'm not clear up or speaking gibberish.

What Is Love?

1. An inexplainable yet incredibly strong feeling for someone...Most people use the word "love" to get into someone else's pants. Love is overused in today's world, people say they love someone because of the way they look or their body. That isn't love. Love is when you can't do anything without thinking about that person, you always want to be with them. It's not that you want to have sex with them, you just want to spend time with them and you just want to hold them and never let go. Love can be fooling, you can think you're in love and it can lead to the most horrible feeling in the world. Also you can wait so long for someone, loving them, and waiting for them to love you back, but they don't return it for a long time and you spend years thinking and thinking and it tears you up inside but when that person realizes that they love you back it's miraculous. Love is a very strong word, don't overuse it.

2. a feeling of intense devotion and heartfelt emotion for someone. Love in itself is beautiful, however it can be disasterous and guys use it all the time just to get in a girl's pants. Love is when you think about that person almost every waking moment, and you want to hold her and just be with her forever, it does not matter whether you hook up with her or not, all that matters is her. When you love someone, make sure that they know it.

3. Love- its an emotion that can not be erased.. it was born into us..and will stay within us forever. Love is when you accept the other person entirely and completely. Love is when you would give up absoutely everything to have that person in your life. Love is honest, true, wonderful. You never have to try to understand love.. or search for it.. it comes to you at the most unexpected time of your life. There is much reason for it... We all have to have love to survive. Honestly no one can deny it.. its a force that I can hardly explain.. I have experienced it, But of course, like most times... its earsed before you can barely grasp it.. but dont fret.. it'll be there to come and rescue you in your darkest hours...So right when you have to question what love is?... Then it isn't love at all.. but just wait.. that almost unexplainable feeling called love will come to you. Love never fails.

4. something indescribably beautiful,terrible, wonderful, and horrible
may include (among many other things):
a complete trust that your thoughts and feelings and other aspects (if not all aspects)of your life will be safe in the hands of another
falling head over heels
yearning to hold (the one you love)
yearning to be held (by the one you love)
the desire to learn (everything about the one you love)
the desire to teach (everything about yourself)

that's all for now... i'm tired. i hope it helps you at least a little bit Leya.

. . .

Fri, 21 May 2004 03:32:40 GMT

ya know what's kind of funny?
many many people say they dislike fake people..
yet, the ones that bitch and moan about them tend to be the fakest of them all..

myself, i find them amusing..
especially those that can't keep their facts straight..
for reals, why else would i be surrounded by them?..
and indulge in reading about them..

though often, i will extend a handshake, offer a drink..
..inside, i laugh and pity them.. stupid peasants.

. . .

Thu, 20 May 2004 06:17:52 GMT

you ain't even gone long but i already miss you
i need you next to me so i can hug you and kiss you
all the talking on the phone
all the time we share
how could you fix your mouth to say "i don't care"
i had plans for us to buy ice together
engagement rings and things and share life together
now you like whatever

do you think we were wrong for each other from the start
or was it my actions that made us grow apart
just want you to know you'll always have a place in my heart

there's no one in this world
that can ever take your place
all the love that we share
it can never be erased

D.e.f.i.n.i.t.i.o.n. | o.F. | L.o.v.e.

Sat, 01 May 2004 19:38:38 GMT

When ask for the meaning of love or in your own difinition you'll probably say something similar to:

This is your definition of love:
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person.

Example in a sentence:
I love you with all my heart. I love you dearly.

blah blah blah

This is my definition of love:

A terrible, horrible infectious disease of the mind, that is falsely portrayed as wonderful by most ignorant individuals. It weakens one, allowing them to be easily manipulated, and eventually leads to nothing but pain and suffering.

Example in a sentence:
When I fell in love with her, I was happy for the first time in my life... Until she tore my still-beating, bloody, dripping heart from my chest cavity, threw it to the ground with all of her might, and then stomped it into a fine paste. Now I am worse off than before. Avoid love like the plague that it is, children.

What's your own definition of "LOVE"? Feel free to post it in my comment box.

G.e.t.t.i.n.' | D.r.u.n.k.

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 08:26:35 GMT

I ask a friend why is it that I always worry too much for another person� Her reply was, �Because you�re in fear, in fear of losing the one close to you. In fear of losing the one you love.� Right than I felt tears in my eyes� she�s right. People kept dying; I kept wondering who�s next� hoping it wouldn�t be him or her� worried too much. Can�t help it, I want to stop this feeling but it built up to become a habit. A habit that wears me out each day and night. From Monday to Sunday; seven days a week, 365 days a year. When will I learn to just worry for myself, care about myself, take care of myself? When?

Major headache, major hangover, seem like all I�ve done this weekend is drink, drink, and drink some more. School on Monday but since I�m only having two classes I�ll ditch and stay home. For I�m not done drinking so once I finish this blog, backyard I go with some more gulp, gulp, gulp. Yeah, I know my life sound�s pathetic to all of you. Seem like I�m killing myself on purpose. Actually, I am. To much ups and downs, yet it seem like there�s more downs than ups. I try to be happy, try to put a smile on my face. But ladies and gentlemen, its only a face. As we all know, people has more than one faces, they might even have up to 20 faces (which I�m not that professional yet).

I make the effort to email my friends, families, relatives, love ones, and even strangers. Yet I feel wasted, But I feel like I�m the only one who�s trying to maintain or keep this bond tight. The least you can do is reply, even if your busy how about, �I�m busy I�ll reply when I get the chance.� Something like that. =/

Friend - (fr nd) � n

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.

3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.

Friend� we hear this word almost everyday and yet certain people out there doesn�t really know the meaning of it. And that is why I did the deed to post up the definition and meanings of the word �Friend�. Don�t take friendship for granted, don�t push it, yet don�t pull it. For one day my friend, you might break it.

Friends and drama� its sad but interesting.

D.e.a.t.h.

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 08:19:46 GMT

People kept dying, what's wrong with this year? First was Joolia's parents and now Danny. God, why? This person, just sitting right here, wants to die yet you won't take that person but you must take other lives. Danny Kim still has a whole life ahead of him, he'll be graduating soon, didn't even got the chance to attend college. Why God, i ask you why?! Other told me 'its time' or 'God needs him' but i believe his parents need him more than you. As for Mary, just a few more month she'll be attending a University, but no.... you must take her away too. You just don't know how much i miss her, and if you do, why must you take such innocent lives? I'm a fuck up person, i deserve to be taken away, i deserve to be dead. -sigh-

My bestfriend's birthday party is today (Saturday) but i don't feel like attending it anymore. Knowing someone just died, how can i go and have fun or party... If only her place serves wine or beer, that would be great. I just wanna get drunk. Funny how everytime my friend goes out or open a party, they would call, invite me and TERRI. I would feel weird if i have to mention that we broke up. I'm sure they know but i feel weird if i have to bring up the subject like, "you do know that we broke up right?" or something similar to that. =/ I guess they're just being friendly since i did introduce Terri to them.

I'm gonna try to quit smoking right at this moment... i was planning to quit when i turn 21 but right at this moment, it seem like the right time. I need to stay healthy, i need to keep my lungs clean and fresh in case anyone needs it... like Mary. Mary... -sigh-

            R.I.P
        Danny Kim
   03/07/86-04/14/04

F.u.c.k. | a.n.d. | H.a.t.e.

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 23:56:31 GMT

I hate liars, fakers, cheaters, hoes, whores, horny ass bitches, mother fuckers, ass holes, two faces, back stabbers, hyprocrite, sluts, bitches, fags. Your nothing compare to all these labels, you realize that?! How many time have i told you, how many time have i told ALL of you?! Don't ever, i repeat DONT EVER LIE TO ME. Even the smallest lie will get a consequences at the end. And if you do plan to lie, make sure you can keep/take it to your grave, don't let me fucken find out. Cuz what happen when i do?! Your FUCKEN DEAD. For some of you, i let it go, pop one pop two pop three... There is an exception to this person, i let it go so many fucken time, so so many fucken time. But in the end, your compare nothing but to a label. A fucken label. Liars? Fakers? Cheater? Mother Fuckers? Horny Ass Bitch? Ass Holes? Two Face? Hyprocrite? Slut? Bitch? Which label should i put on you?! Probably all of em'. Consider me a friend, consider me more than a friend, but how do you treat me? When you feel like it, you call me. When your upset you ignore me or if your having fun you push me aside. -clap clap- and yet i'm still a fool, being here for you whenever you need me.

You know what i hate about myself? I'm weak when it comes to girls, ladies, women. I get soft hearted, i get weak. I can't seem to say no. Was it because i treat you gal like princess or queens? Gave you what you wanted without saying no? What is it? Why treat me like a toy? I ain't no fucken boy toy for you to toss around.

Next Paragraph is in Vietnamese:

CaC choi cho dda, dda qua dda lai, roi bo qua mot ben. hung thi lai ra choi con khong hung thi bo qua mot ben. Can nguoi giup ddo thi keo tao ra con ddang sung xuon vui tuoi thi ma ke tao. Coi tao nhu la mot mong ddo choi. FuCk, nhung roi sao?! Tao vang la mot thang kho, tai vi trai tim cua tao rat la yeu, chi cang mai nguoi khoc hoac noi nhe nhang la tao sao bo qua het. CaC tao biet kuyet diem cua tao ma, nhung roi sao? FUCK... tao lai lam duoc cai gi. Mot la may chet, hai la tao chet. Chi co nhu vay tao moi het dau kho thoi.

Fuck you bitches, fuck you two faces, fuck you whore, fuck you hoe, fuck you players, fuck you horny ass bitches, fuck all of you mother fuckers.

Side Note: This blog right here is not meant for all of you, just to certain people who knows me. Forgive me if i had offended anyone mainly BD Members.

Mai Mai La Mot Thang Kho

When Heaven and Earth Changed Places: A Vietnamese Womans Journey from War to Peace by Le Ly Hayslip with Jay Wurts

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 17:31:08 GMT

I thought this book was a great read and that it went by very fast due to the nature that it was written in, as a flashback narrative to suggest that memory functions as a patchwork of quilt of thoughts that are discontinuous and not linear. I am an Asian American Studies major at UCI and read this book several times in my Asain AM. classes. As a "Viet Kieu" who left war-torn Vietnam as a young child to immigrate to the U.S. due to the Communist rule, Le Ly Hayslip represents a traitor and a money hungry Communist who helped to destroy Vietnam. She may be claiming to want to put the past aside with the Viet Cong and its benefiting from the capitalist U.S. If you read her second book, Child of War, Woman of Peace, she dares to compare the evil Ho Chi Minh to the President of Abraham Lincoln. She claims to not know anything about communism even though her and her family helped the Viet Cong in the Vietnam War. She compares American men to dogs and to children who grew up without mothers, yet her countless flings are with white American men and the fathers of her two of her three boys are two different white men.

She is a woman of loose morals and uses people to her advantage to get what she wants. She comes to America and benefit from the system to become a millionaire, while ignoring her family who is struggling to survive back home in Vietnam. Her family members do not have enough to eat and lack medical attention. she admits to being a bad daughter and sister but doesn�t even bother changing the fact. I believe a lot of her stories are fabricated to lure a wider audience, and to not isolate and insult her adopting country by outright sympathizing with the Communists. She just wants to make the book seem sensational and appealing so that she can make a large profit in entertaining people with her lies. I am not saying that things like these did not happen to people in the war, it just seems so credulous to me that she can pretend to be neutral while there is a undertone of sympathizing with the Viet Congs and hating the Americans. She makes herself to be a victim while in fact she created and got herself in a lot of these situations.

It makes me angry to see these hypocritical communists who claim to want equality for all, benefit and become rich from the sufferings of others. The Viet Congs lied, tortured, and killed numerous innocent people to get what they want. Many of my family members were killed and tortured in the Vietnam War by people like her. My Mother left Vietnam as a boat person and saw people on the boat die of dehydration, get robbed and raped by Thai pirates. The Viet Congs made life so miserable that many were willing to die trying to leave Vietnam than to stay and live in a Communist country. They claim to want to make Vietnam independent and free, but look at how Vietnam is today. It is even worse off than before the war with many dying because of poverty, mal-nutrition, and illnesses and diseases.

Le Ly is ostracized in the Vietnamese Community in the U.S. and was booed and driven out of UCI when she went there to be a guest speaker. She is shunned by the Viet Kieu in the U.S. for sympathizing with the Viet Congs and aiding them during the war. She may pretend and hide behind her facade of claiming to be a pretty and poor village girl who knows nothing, she uses this to her advantage to gain sympathy from her readers, She knows exactly what she is doing by luring readers into her stories. Its pathetic how low she would go to make a buck off the same capitalist system that she and the communists despised to much that they had to engage in a war that turned many peoples lives upside down, to drive the Americans out. Its also ironic how she and the communists now seek aid from the very people that they were fighting against not so long ago.

Just an essay i wish to share. Praying to get full grade on this shit.

E.d.i.t. | B.l.o.g. | 2 | R.a.n.d.o.m. | T.h.o.u.g.h.t.s.

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 03:39:23 GMT

*Its best if i just stay silence and lock those feeling deep down inside of me. As long as i get to be next to you i'm happy. I thank God for still giving me the chance to be here for you; sad or happy. As long as your happy, even if your happiness doesn't involve me but someone else my heart would still smile and shine, for you.

*Your heart may falter, but i can make it unfalter... wait, that isn't a word... umm... Lets try this again. Your heart may falter but i can make it steady again. I can gain back your courage and confidence. I won't let you stumble or fall. For as long as i live, i wont let you fail and if you happen to, i'll be here to lend you a hand. Guide you back on the road. If you happen to be behind on this long unsteady road, i'll wait for you.

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to the sea, then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens.

I am human, for that reason, i never make sense.

H.o.p.e.s. | n | L.o.v.e.

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 11:10:52 GMT

i'm all out of love/i'm so lost without you/i know you were right/beliving for so long/i'm all out of love/what am i without you/i can be to late for saying/to say that i was so wrong/ <---- what's the title of this song?! I'm All Out Of Love?!

I left my phone on silence for i want no disturbance while blogging tonight. As you can see the time of this blog, who would actually call me... they're probably dead asleep or busy doing something more important than phone-calling me. This month, i barely have more than 4 hours of sleep. Last month i got at least 6 hours. I'm so fucken mad... Sat. i slept from 0700-0900 than on Sun. got from 0300-0700. I could've slept more but phone calls and people walking in and out... not to mention my bro is on spring break so he's staying in ma room for a week. Make hell of a noise in the morning. I'm a light sleeper, just a tiny noise can make me sat straight up and look at you. Talking about sleeping, i have a habit of hitting the wall during my sleep. Yet waking up always wondering why my knuckles hurt. I guess i wouldn't find out until other told me that i had done such thing. =/

I'm in a depress mode. I miss the OcC Cultural Night and CSLB Cultural Night. Made it to the Dai Nhac Hoi Concert but like i say, it was a waste of everything. Don't you just hate it when you bring up your hope for something and end up to get down pour at the end? Throughout my whole life, i bring up my hopes, other let me down. And yet... i still bring up my hope... knowing deep down i shouldn't for what if this or what if that but i done it anyway, and what happen? Rain pour over me. But never once, had i let anyone down. Wait... i did let one person down though... that person was me. That doesn't count now, does it?

ahaha... i'm actually debating if i should sleep after bloggin or not. I say not. =D Why bother sleeping, i feel like its a waste of time and yes, lets not forget a waste of energy. I remember my best record was 17 days non sleep but coming close til the 18th day i pass out and didn't wake up til two days later. But i was 14 back than, i think i'm a little to old for that now. =/ Oh what the hell, i'll give it a try, its a challenge. Yes, a stupid challenge, but a challenge is a challenge. Nothing is consider a stupid challenge. Similar to There's no such thing as a stupid question. ahahah... yeah right.

"The one i love doesn't love me, the one that loves me yet i don't love." Yeah... i get that a lot. My only advice and suggestion is to deal with it. A) You either give the one that loves you a chance or try to get to know the person. B) Keep your focus on the one you love and pray each night hoping that he/she would one day love you back <--- Caution: dangerous. You can get heartbroken even when you hadn't gotten a chance to give it out yet. C) Tell both of them how you feels so the one that loves you wouldn't have to waste their precious time on you and the one you love would know how you felt and you'll get an answer better sittin there wondering, wishing, and hoping <--- Caution: might lose friendship from both. D) Forget and move on <--- Hard to do.

Time to go play game now... i'll do my homework later. It's only 0309. Still early, school doesn't start for another 4 hours and 21 minute. =D

Get in... Get Out... Get on with your life.